Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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