My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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