just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
