This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
