Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
