I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
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Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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