I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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