i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
