He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize