he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize