I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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