I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
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He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
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That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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