you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
