god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Your mouth is God's brothel.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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