she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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