how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
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It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
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Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
40s are totally the cure
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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