What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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