New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
