So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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