What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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