i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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