if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
