Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
