So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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