Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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