I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
