He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
