you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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