Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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