When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
