pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
