My friends, they love my intelligence
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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