im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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