I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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