They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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