the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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