____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
