Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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