these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
