id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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