My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
