I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
