How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
