Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
