yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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