first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
