there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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