It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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