I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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