Having a random hookup so left but love u
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
