Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
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Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
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she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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