I am in a vortex of obligation.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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