theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
