Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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