Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
