We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
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Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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