I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
