please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
