I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
