lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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