Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
