chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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