The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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