got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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