My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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