i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
