I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
