I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
