I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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