The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
