Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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