margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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