so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Michael Bay diarrhea
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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