I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
