tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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