Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
