My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
