i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
