toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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