yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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