I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
