Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
