i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
