from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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