I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
