the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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