he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
