So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
