i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
