his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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