Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
