I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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