I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
