My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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