Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
