If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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